- Augie, the title character and narrator, introduces us to himself and his family.
- He lives with his mother, his older brother Simon, his special needs brother Georgie, and their border, whom they call Grandma Lausch.
- She's of no relation, but runs the show in their household.
- His mother, abandoned by her husband, is typically docile.
- Grandma Lausch teaches the boys how best to play the caseworker and others to get social benefits.
- When Augie gets into a fight with other boys, she's the one to disciplines him.
- Or, well, blames him for the trouble, insulting his character.
- Her "parenting" style would play well on a drama-filled reality TV show.