How It All Goes Down
If you've read any of The Adventures of Augie March, you may be asking yourself, "Ermahgerd, does this book even have a plot?" The novel seems more like a monologue interspersed with loosely related and totally random episodes, like some old man who is more than happy to talk your ear off going wherever his thoughts take him. Well, don't panic! The lack of a coherent plot is intentional. This is a picaresque novel. Plotlessness (is that a word?) is part of the point.
The picaresque style favors an episodic approach to story telling. It centers on a rascally character jumping from place to place, job to job, and even into the ivory towers of high-class society. Our rascal is none other than the likeable Augie March.
He begins his story by describing some of his childhood. He grew up in Chicago, raised by his half-blind mother and their boarder, "Grandma" Lausch. His father is out of the picture. He has two brothers: Simon and George. They live off government charities and other social services, deceiving one or the other about their real needs and what help they're already getting. So much for brotherly love.
When Augie gets old enough, he finds a job and starts making money. For one of these jobs, he moves in with his mother's cousin, Anna Coblin, and her family. Anna would love for Augie to someday marry into her family. This is the first of a few occasions in which other families want to bring Augie into their own. As the boys get older, Simon begins to disrespect Grandma Lausch and George, who has special needs, is sent to a home where trained staff can care for him. Augie, for his part, has been hanging out with boys who steal. And boys who steal have no appeal.
Augie gets a more serious job assisting a paralyzed property-owner named Einhorn, but when the stock market crashes in 1929, Augie is let go. In the meantime, Augie hangs out a lot in the poolroom Einhorn runs.
In need of cash, Augie assists a thief named Joe Gorman in a robbery. Uh…yeah, that doesn't sound like a very good idea. Einhorn is furious when he hears about it, warning Augie that a guy like Gorman will get Augie into serious trouble with the law.
Augie turns to working for Mr. Renling at a sporting goods store, but gets a break from that work when Mrs. Renling brings him along to help her out while she's on a vacation across Lake Michigan. It's here that Augie meets the sisters Thea and Esther Fenchel. He falls for Esther and Thea falls in love with him. It's sort of awkward.
Mrs. Renling wants to adopt Augie but he hits the road instead, foolishly joining Gorman for another round of criminal activity. The two men head to New York to pick up immigrants from Canada coming into the country illegally. Oh, and they're driving a stolen vehicle. The police identify it, and Augie has to hitch his way back to Chicago.
When he gets home, he learns his mother has moved out of their home and that Grandma Lausch has died. So much for a welcome back party. Augie and his brothers try to find a new place for their Mama to live. Augie then befriends Manny Padilla and learns to steal and sell expensive books to college students (too bad they couldn't just use Shmoop). Simon, meanwhile, hatches a plan to marry into a rich family.
The plan works and it looks like Augie will be able to follow in his brother's footsteps, but he ruins his reputation with the rich family after he's caught helping his friend Mimi Villars get an illegal abortion. She later gets Augie a job as a union organizer. This goes well for a time and Augie has a fling with a woman he meets on the job. Her name is Sophie. She's engaged to be married, but wants to get all the passion for infidelity out of her system before she says the vows. Good luck with that, Soph.
Thea comes back into Augie's life. She's still in love with him and wants him to come with her to Mexico. She's going there to get a divorce and to train an eagle to hunt lizards. Train what? To hunt what? An eagle? What is this, the steppes of Outer Mongolia? This is too outlandish even for Augie, right? Ha! With the union job putting Augie in physical danger, Augie decides to go with her. Of course he does.
They travel toward Mexico, buy an eagle and train it, but the bird doesn't meet Thea's expectations. And neither does Augie. He's severely injured when his horse throws him off and tramples him, and he begins to drift apart from Thea while he's recovering. Augie shows more interest in a woman named Stella who's staying at the hotel next to their house in Mexico. Typical Augie. His own worst enemy. We guess Taylor Swift was on to something when she said, "Boys only want love if it's torture."
Thea leaves him after he helps Stella get away from the man she's with. Thea suspects that Augie slept with Stella. She's right. Stupid Augie. Augie tries to get her back, but with no success. He does get to see Trotsky, the famous Russian revolutionary, before he heads back home. He doesn't get a t-shirt, but, you know, he makes do.
When Augie gets back to Chicago, he drifts a bit before taking a job helping a millionaire write a book about the history of wealth and a possible earthly paradise on the horizon. Their partnership doesn't last. Augie starts seeing Sophie again, and it looks like they might marry, but then the war breaks out. Augie enlists and begins training. He meets up again with Stella. They fall in love and get married. Augie ships off and his lost for a time at sea after his ship is attacked.
At the end of the novel, Augie and Stella are in Paris. There's trouble brewing between them. Will they make it work? Will Augie follow the dream he tells her about—settling into a quiet life running a school? We can only hope. Or not.
Augie does what Augie does.