How we cite our quotes: (Chapter.Paragraph)
Quote #4
I think how things used to be: predictable, sensible. How I used to be the same. I think how there is no inevitability, how there never was, I just didn't know it then. "I'm awake, I guess, and maybe that's good, but it's more complicated than that because now I'm someone who knows the worst thing can happen at any time." (18.54)
Lennie's trying to come with an explanation for why everything has felt super-charged and more alive since Bailey's death. Knowing that you can die at any time would definitely change a person's behavior on a day-to-day level. For better or worse, Lennie's starting to take more risks.
Quote #5
Without the harbor and mayhem of Toby's arms, the sublime distraction of Joe's, there's only me.
Me, like a small seashell with the loneliness of the whole ocean roaring invisibly within.
Me.
Without.
Bailey.
Always. (25.8-13)
We won't say that Lennie doesn't bring this situation on herself by hooking up with Toby and lying about it to Joe, but still—we feel bad for her. Plus, this quote sheds some light on why she might have been so intensely attracted to these guys. Maybe it was her subconscious way of trying to avoid being alone. Without all the boy distractions, she's forced to figure herself out.
Quote #6
Margeurite's trilling voice fills my head: Your playing is ravishing. You work on the nerves, Lennie, you go to Julliard.
Instead, I quit.Instead, I shoved and crammed myself into a jack-o-lantern of my own making. (26.25-27)
Lennie's looking back on who she was before. Because of the way she thought of herself (as a companion-type person, not Julliard material), she'd completely limited her options and cheated herself out of something she loved to do. But the fact that she can recognize this now shows how much she's grown since.