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Check out this PSAT Writing Diagnostic question and determine whether the sentence in question is fine as is, or needs a change.
PSAT 1.18 Writing Narrative Walkthrough. How would you change the underlined portion, if at all?
Changing the Underlined Portion #1241 173 Views
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Description:
PSAT 1.15 Writing Narrative Walkthrough. How would you change the underlined portion, if at all?
Transcript
- 00:00
Thank you We sneak and here's your shmoop du jour
- 00:05
brought to you by the museum of modern art It's
- 00:08
the only place where someone might vandalize some of the
- 00:10
artwork and no one would notice All right check the
- 00:14
passage Sorry we that we love modern art but some
Full Transcript
- 00:17
of it just like that soup can thing i don't
- 00:19
get All right How would you change the underlying portion
- 00:22
below If it all Yes i know i'm a philistine
- 00:25
his brothers who were involved in founding museum on our
- 00:28
new york What entrench an experimental buys in the right
- 00:32
talking like a snooty new yorker there all right And
- 00:34
here potential answers It was quite lovely all right We'll
- 00:40
only once in our lives have we ever heard of
- 00:42
sentence this long without a single comma or other punctuation
- 00:46
And that was when a car salesman tried to sell
- 00:48
us the latest prius in under thirty seconds without taking
- 00:51
a breath It wasn't pretty so as much as the
- 00:53
original sentence just spits it all out and lets us
- 00:56
get on with our day We have a feeling there's
- 00:58
probably something missing here since it's rockefeller's brothers who were
- 01:01
involved in founding the museum We're probably going to need
- 01:04
to find a way to segment that bit off from
- 01:07
the rest of the sentence unless banks he came along
- 01:10
and manually remove the commas to make some sort of
- 01:13
statement right No banks Option c has decided to go
- 01:19
with parentheses A valiant effort but wrong parentheses can be
- 01:23
used to present information is an afterthought But the content
- 01:27
here is providing valuable information that describes the brothers and
- 01:31
why there might be some bias there So we need
- 01:33
to make the claws more of a focal point Go
- 01:36
back to sleep Santa will wake you if we media
- 01:38
option d also Separates the claws this time with dashes
- 01:43
another good attempt but using dashes here is probably too
- 01:45
jarring for the flow of the sentence which otherwise trucks
- 01:48
along rather smoothly Let's call this one plan b in
- 01:51
case nothing better comes along Ah yes answer Choice b
- 01:55
hits it on the nose Commas worked perfectly to separate
- 01:58
this non restrictive clause They make it clear that the
- 02:01
line is in reference to the brothers while not cluttering
- 02:05
the sentence or disrupting the tone or rhythm Plus they're
- 02:08
forty percent off this week Only it's a win win
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