A lot, and it ain’t pretty. Both the DMV and the courts can take separate action against you, potentially suspending your driving privilege, suspending or revoking your license, costing you fines, sentencing you to jail time, and forcing you to attend a regular DUI class. About the only thing they can’t do is have you hanged, but they’re working on that. Just be thankful you weren’t pulled over in Texas.

And don’t think that just because you goof up when operating a non-car-type vehicle it can’t hurt you in the driving department. If you were previously found to be operating any vessel on the water while under the influence, the courts can look at this when determining how to sentence you for a DUI obtained in a motor vehicle. Remember that family of ducks you killed last summer when jet-skiing at your grandmother’s lake house? Really coming back to haunt you now, isn’t it?

Urine Trouble, Buddy

If you are pulled over and suspected of driving while intoxicated, law enforcement officers have the right to test your breath, blood, and possibly even your urine if you are arrested. For this reason, try also to avoid eating asparagus for at least thirty minutes before leaving the house.

If you have been detained and are suspected of driving drunk while under 21 years of age, you will have to perform a breath test or some other chemical test to determine your BAC. It had better register as less than 0.01%, or you’re going to lose your license and be given a one-year order of suspension. You may be turned over to juvenile authorities, or the officer in charge may opt merely to call your parent(s) or guardian(s). Either way, you’re going to have to be faced with that horrible look of disappointment we adults have worked on mastering over the years.

If your BAC reads as even higher—0.05% or above—, you may have to submit to a blood test. They haven’t yet invented a drink that doesn’t go coursing through your blood stream after consumption, so don’t start thinking you might be able to slip one past the cops.

If said blood test is performed, and it is confirmed that your BAC is 0.05% or higher, you will get one of those nifty orders of suspension, and you’ll be immediately arrested. You may get thrown into a cell with just about anybody, and you should probably assume the worst. Say hi to Cletus for us.

Now suppose the officer has reason to believe you have also been taking drugs (e.g. you are patting him on the head and ordering him to roll over). In this instance you may be asked to take a urine test.

You can receive a suspension if you refuse to take any of these tests, as it will appear that you are guilty. In fact, it would be pretty stupid to refuse if you hadn’t been drinking, unless you have truly embarrassing urine. Like, if it’s purple or something. Even still, just take the pee test and do what you can to come up with a good story that will explain the unusual color.