We know; it’s going to wrinkle your outfit. You just ate a big meal, and it feels uncomfortable to strap it across your gut. When you get carjacked by a gang of armed thugs, you want to be free to leap out your window and dash to safety. Understandable.

Tough noogies. If you are under the age of 18, you are required by law* to wear your seat belt, and if that isn’t reason enough, they just might save your life. That would be good, because you have plans this weekend. *NOTE: Even if you are over 18, it’s still a pretty good idea to wear your seatbelt.

You must make sure that you and all passengers six years of age or older and 55” or more in height are securely strapped in before hitting the road (so, for example, Chihuahuas, stuffed animals, and forest pixies would be exempt). Ever seen a kid who has been flung into a window at 60 mph? You don't want to. And more importantly, you don't wanna be the idiot who didn't make them buckle up and in.

Remember how we mentioned children younger than six and less than 55” tall? Well, they need to be sitting in a child passenger restraint system. Children younger than 0 should be tightly buckled into their mother’s womb.

If another passenger in your vehicle is caught not wearing his or her seat belt, both of you may be penalized, so don’t hesitate to let the mother in you come to the surface (regardless of your gender), and be sure to nag everyone around you into being safe and responsible.

Also, don’t think that just fastening the lap belt is good enough. If you value your head and torso area as much as your pelvis and nether regions, please also use the shoulder harness.

If you’re pregnant, the lap belt should be worn beneath your abdomen (that’s where you’re keeping your baby), and the shoulder strap should be placed between your breasts. We figure this might not apply to too many of our readers, but it did give us the chance to use the word “breasts”.