August: La Marche Avec Mystery
- Meet Georgia, who'd like you to know that she is "bursting with womanhood" because she wears a bra. In her defense, this is her diary, which is exactly where such declarations belong.
- Now meet her family—Uncle Eddie, Dad, Mum, and her little sister, Libby. No word on their bras or their womanhood, though.
- Georgia's parents won't allow her to have a lock on her door, which Georgia assumes means they don't want her to grow up. Her logic is that if she grows up, they have to get on with their own lives, which they're not eager to do.
- Uncle Eddie jokes about his baldness, which bugs Georgia. He acts like she's still a child. Ugh.
- Georgia lists six things wrong with her life, including having a zit, her nose, Libby peeing in her room, going back to school soon, being ugly, and showing up at a party dressed as a stuffed olive.
- British English break: They call zits spots.
- Georgia describes the events leading up to the stuffed olive costume. Jas, her best friend, came over and they discussed what to wear to the costume party.
- In the shop, Jas picked a cat suit two sizes too small since there was a cute guy working the register and she wanted to impress him. Georgia blames Jas from not stopping her from wearing the stuffed olive costume.
- Georgia's costume didn't fit inside of her dad's car, but she refused to take it off, so she was forced to walk as he slowly drove beside her. Let the good times roll… er, stroll.
- Angus, Georgia's large cat, is introduced. Apparently, despite being the size of a Labrador, he's a dog person's worst nightmare; he's also prone to destroying and eating everything in his path.
- Georgia talks a little bit about the party. Basically, everybody else showed up in sexy, non-olive costumes. During the festivities, Jas gives Georgia a little wisdom: " […] you have to remember that boys don't think girls are for funniness" (1.44). (For the record, we beg to differ—funny girls rule.)
- Georgia feels like she's already getting fed up with boys and hopes that she doesn't have to become a lesbian. Guess she's not really clear on how sexual orientation works yet…
- Libby sleeps in Georgia's bed with her, which Georgia finds sweet but a little stinky.
- Georgia and her friends Ellen and Julia decide to go on something called a mystery walk, which basically involves walking around a neighborhood while speaking only French. La marche avec mystery—it's a mystery to us, too.
- Georgia wants to dye her hair blonde, but her parents won't allow it.
- On the girls' mystery walk, they walk around talking to strangers in French. Maybe that's the mystery—everyone around them has to figure out what they're saying.
- Georgia see's a cute boy, so she walks up to him and begins to speak French. When he takes her by the arm, Georgia assumes it's for romantic purposes, but he actually takes her to a Frenchwoman running a shop to help Georgia in case she's lost. Georgia's disappointed.
- At home, Georgia moans about her lack of friends and her strange family.
- Georgia decides she wants a boyfriend like Mr. Darcy if she's not a lesbian.
- Libby crawls into bed with Georgia again. Georgia has a dream about a handsome "bloke" carrying her through the warm Caribbean waters. She awakes to discover the warm sea of her dreams is actually Libby's urine in her reality.
- Georgia searches for her mother's tweezers. She finds them, but along the away she finds an apron in her father's drawer, which prompts her to wonder if he's dressing up in women's clothing. Pro tip: Aprons are gender-neutral attire.
- Georgia tries to pluck her eyebrows with her mother's tweezers, but as turns out, it hurts to pluck your eyebrows. So she decides to use her father's razor instead… and accidentally shaves her eyebrows completely off. Oops. She has the baldest forehead in all of jolly old England.
- Jas comes over and they discuss Georgia's "new look." Jas draws some eyebrows on Georgia and then leaves. Georgia, however, decides to never leave the house again.
- Uncle Eddie comes over and teases Georgia about her eyebrows (thanks, dude). Libby is a bit more supportive of the mishap. She rubs Georgia's skin where her eyebrows used to be and then brings her a piece of cheese because Libby, like Shmoop, knows that cheese can cure what ails you.
- Georgia thinks about school; she hopes she doesn't get a teacher she calls Hawkeye.
- Mum offers to buy Georgia some school shoes, but she rejects the offer and disses her mother's shoes in the process. That's one way to kill two birds with one stone, we suppose.
- Georgia's friends come over and discuss make up, a boy Jas likes named Tom, and kissing. Georgia's friend Ellen is the most experienced—she kissed a nineteen-year-old boy from Liverpool (like the Beatles) at some Christmas party. Unsurprisingly, the other girls ask tons of questions about the snogging experience.
- Libby kisses Georgia on the mouth quite a lot, but Georgia doesn't consider this to be practice.
- Georgia moans over her lack of a boyfriend and comments on her neighbors; Mr. Next Door apparently has a large bottom. The more you know…
- Angus, in his continuous reign of terror, stalks the neighbor's poodle, but Mrs. Next Door throws a brick at him. Seriously?
- Despite her long, boring Sunday, Georgia finds solace in her eyebrows' five o'clock shadow. It's the little things, you know?