Enter Angelo, Escalus, Servants, and a Justice. ANGELO
We must not make a scarecrow of the law,
Setting it up to fear the birds of prey,
And let it keep one shape till custom make it
Their perch and not their terror. ESCALUS
Ay, but yet 5
Let us be keen and rather cut a little
Than fall and bruise to death. Alas, this gentleman
Whom I would save had a most noble father.
Let but your Honor know,
Whom I believe to be most strait in virtue, 10
That, in the working of your own affections,
Had time cohered with place, or place with wishing,
Or that the resolute acting of your blood
Could have attained th’ effect of your own purpose,
Whether you had not sometime in your life 15
Erred in this point which now you censure him,
And pulled the law upon you. ANGELO
’Tis one thing to be tempted, Escalus,
Another thing to fall. I not deny
The jury passing on the prisoner’s life 20
May in the sworn twelve have a thief or two
Guiltier than him they try. What’s open made to
justice,
That justice seizes. What knows the laws
That thieves do pass on thieves? ’Tis very pregnant, 25
The jewel that we find, we stoop and take ’t
Because we see it; but what we do not see,
We tread upon and never think of it.
You may not so extenuate his offense
For I have had such faults; but rather tell me, 30
When I that censure him do so offend,
Let mine own judgment pattern out my death,
And nothing come in partial. Sir, he must die. | At the courthouse, Angelo and Escalus discuss Claudio's case. Angelo insists that they must punish Claudio to the full extent of the law so people will know they mean business. Escalus agrees that Claudio should be punished, but he doesn't see any reason to put Claudio to death—that won't really solve anything. Plus, says Escalus, Claudio comes from a good family. Escalus wonders if Angelo has ever committed the same crime for which he is now punishing Claudius. In other words, has Angelo ever had sex outside of marriage? Angelo basically replies that if he ever did, he would fully expect to be put to death. Because those are the rules. |
Enter Elbow and Officers, with Froth
and Pompey. ELBOW, to Officers
Come, bring them away. If these 45
be good people in a commonweal that do nothing
but use their abuses in common houses, I know no
law. Bring them away. ANGELO
How now, sir, what’s your name? And what’s
the matter? 50 ELBOW
If it please your Honor, I am the poor duke’s
constable, and my name is Elbow. I do lean upon
justice, sir, and do bring in here before your good
Honor two notorious benefactors. ANGELO
Benefactors? Well, what benefactors are they? 55
Are they not malefactors? ELBOW
If it please your Honor, I know not well what
they are, but precise villains they are, that I am sure
of, and void of all profanation in the world that
good Christians ought to have. 60 ESCALUS, to Angelo
This comes off well. Here’s a wise
officer. ANGELO, to Elbow Go to. What quality are they of?
Elbow is your name? Why dost thou not speak,
Elbow? 65 POMPEY
He cannot, sir. He’s out at elbow. ANGELO
What are you, sir? ELBOW
He, sir? A tapster, sir, parcel bawd; one that
serves a bad woman, whose house, sir, was, as they
say, plucked down in the suburbs, and now she 70
professes a hothouse, which I think is a very ill
house too. ESCALUS
How know you that? ELBOW
My wife, sir, whom I detest before heaven and
your Honor— 75 ESCALUS
How? Thy wife? ELBOW
Ay, sir, whom I thank heaven is an honest
woman— ESCALUS
Dost thou detest her therefore? ELBOW
I say, sir, I will detest myself also, as well as she, 80
that this house, if it be not a bawd’s house, it is pity
of her life, for it is a naughty house. ESCALUS
How dost thou know that, constable? ELBOW
Marry, sir, by my wife, who, if she had been a
woman cardinally given, might have been accused 85
in fornication, adultery, and all uncleanliness
there. ESCALUS
By the woman’s means? ELBOW
Ay, sir, by Mistress Overdone’s means; but as
she spit in his face, so she defied him. 90 POMPEY, to Escalus
Sir, if it please your Honor, this is
not so. ELBOW
Prove it before these varlets here, thou honorable
man, prove it. ESCALUS, to Angelo
Do you hear how he misplaces? 95 POMPEY
Sir, she came in great with child, and longing,
saving your Honor’s reverence, for stewed prunes.
Sir, we had but two in the house, which at that very
distant time stood, as it were, in a fruit dish, a dish
of some threepence; your Honors have seen such 100
dishes; they are not china dishes, but very good
dishes— ESCALUS
Go to, go to. No matter for the dish, sir. POMPEY
No, indeed, sir, not of a pin; you are therein in
the right. But to the point: as I say, this Mistress 105
Elbow, being, as I say, with child, and being great-bellied,
and longing, as I said, for prunes; and
having but two in the dish, as I said, Master Froth
here, this very man, having eaten the rest, as I said,
and, as I say, paying for them very honestly—for, as 110
you know, Master Froth, I could not give you threepence
again— FROTH No, indeed. POMPEY
Very well. You being then, if you be remembered,
cracking the stones of the foresaid prunes— 115 FROTH
Ay, so I did indeed. POMPEY
Why, very well. I telling you then, if you be
remembered, that such a one and such a one were
past cure of the thing you wot of, unless they kept
very good diet, as I told you— 120 FROTH
All this is true. POMPEY
Why, very well then— ESCALUS
Come, you are a tedious fool. To the purpose:
what was done to Elbow’s wife that he hath cause to
complain of? Come me to what was done to her. 125 POMPEY
Sir, your Honor cannot come to that yet. ESCALUS No, sir, nor I mean it not. POMPEY
Sir, but you shall come to it, by your Honor’s
leave. And I beseech you, look into Master Froth
here, sir, a man of fourscore pound a year, whose 130
father died at Hallowmas—was ’t not at Hallowmas,
Master Froth? FROTH
All-hallond Eve. POMPEY
Why, very well. I hope here be truths.—He,
sir, sitting, as I say, in a lower chair, sir—To Froth. 135
’Twas in the Bunch of Grapes, where indeed you
have a delight to sit, have you not? FROTH
I have so, because it is an open room, and good
for winter. POMPEY
Why, very well then. I hope here be truths. 140 ANGELO, to Escalus
This will last out a night in Russia
When nights are longest there. I’ll take my leave,
And leave you to the hearing of the cause,
Hoping you’ll find good cause to whip them all. ESCALUS
I think no less. Good morrow to your Lordship 145 Angelo exits. Now, sir, come on. What was done to Elbow’s wife,
once more? | Since things are getting a little heavy in this play, Shakespeare trots out Elbow (a constable) who has just arrested Froth and Pompey. Angelo asks Pompey "what are you sir?" and Elbow tells him that Pompey is a bartender and part-time pimp at Mistress Overdone's brothel, which was recently torn down. Since then, Mistress Overdone has opened a new brothel but is calling it a day spa. Escalus asks Elbow how he knows so much about this and Elbow says that his wife told him so. Apparently, Elbow's wife went there for a sauna and Pompey mistook her for a prostitute. Naturally, Elbow's wife spit in his face to prove otherwise. Pompey denies everything and says it was all a big misunderstanding. Pompey proceeds to tell a story (that never gets finished) about how Elbow's pregnant wife entered Mistress Overdone's establishment because she was craving some "stewed prunes." This turns out to be a thinly veiled dirty joke, because "stewed prunes" is slang for testicles. Midway through the story, Angelo gets bored and leaves Escalus to deal with Elbow's complaint. |
POMPEY
Once, sir? There was nothing done to her
once. ELBOW, to Escalus
I beseech you, sir, ask him what 150
this man did to my wife. POMPEY, to Escalus
I beseech your Honor, ask me. ESCALUS
Well, sir, what did this gentleman to her? POMPEY I beseech you, sir, look in this gentleman’s
face.—Good Master Froth, look upon his Honor. 155
’Tis for a good purpose.—Doth your Honor mark
his face? ESCALUS
Ay, sir, very well. POMPEY
Nay, I beseech you, mark it well. ESCALUS
Well, I do so. 160 POMPEY
Doth your Honor see any harm in his face? ESCALUS
Why, no. POMPEY
I’ll be supposed upon a book, his face is the
worst thing about him. Good, then, if his face be the
worst thing about him, how could Master Froth do 165
the Constable’s wife any harm? I would know that
of your Honor. ESCALUS He’s in the right, constable. What say you to
it? ELBOW
First, an it like you, the house is a respected 170
house; next, this is a respected fellow, and his
mistress is a respected woman. POMPEY By this hand, sir, his wife is a more respected
person than any of us all. ELBOW
Varlet, thou liest; thou liest, wicked varlet! The 175
time is yet to come that she was ever respected with
man, woman, or child. POMPEY
Sir, she was respected with him before he
married with her. ESCALUS
Which is the wiser here, Justice or Iniquity? 180
Is this true? ELBOW, to Pompey
O thou caitiff! O thou varlet! O
thou wicked Hannibal! I respected with her before I
was married to her?—If ever I was respected with
her, or she with me, let not your Worship think me 185
the poor duke’s officer.—Prove this, thou wicked
Hannibal, or I’ll have mine action of batt’ry on thee. ESCALUS
If he took you a box o’ th’ ear, you might have
your action of slander too. ELBOW
Marry, I thank your good Worship for it. What 190
is ’t your Worship’s pleasure I shall do with this
wicked caitiff? ESCALUS
Truly, officer, because he hath some offenses
in him that thou wouldst discover if thou couldst,
let him continue in his courses till thou know’st 195
what they are. ELBOW
Marry, I thank your Worship for it. To Pompey.
Thou seest, thou wicked varlet, now, what’s
come upon thee. Thou art to continue now, thou
varlet, thou art to continue. 200 ESCALUS, to Froth
Where were you born, friend? FROTH Here in Vienna, sir. ESCALUS
Are you of fourscore pounds a year? FROTH
Yes, an ’t please you, sir. ESCALUS
So. To Pompey. What trade are you of, sir? 205 POMPEY
A tapster, a poor widow’s tapster. ESCALUS
Your mistress’ name? POMPEY
Mistress Overdone. ESCALUS
Hath she had any more than one husband? POMPEY
Nine, sir. Overdone by the last. 210 ESCALUS
Nine?—Come hither to me, Master Froth.
Master Froth, I would not have you acquainted with
tapsters; they will draw you, Master Froth, and you
will hang them. Get you gone, and let me hear no
more of you. 215 FROTH
I thank your Worship. For mine own part, I
never come into any room in a taphouse but I am
drawn in. ESCALUS
Well, no more of it, Master Froth. Farewell. Froth exits. Come you hither to me, Master Tapster. What’s your 220
name, Master Tapster? POMPEY
Pompey. ESCALUS What else? POMPEY
Bum, sir. ESCALUS
Troth, and your bum is the greatest thing 225
about you, so that in the beastliest sense you are
Pompey the Great. Pompey, you are partly a bawd,
Pompey, howsoever you color it in being a tapster,
are you not? Come, tell me true. It shall be the
better for you. 230 POMPEY
Truly, sir, I am a poor fellow that would live. ESCALUS
How would you live, Pompey? By being a
bawd? What do you think of the trade, Pompey? Is it
a lawful trade? POMPEY
If the law would allow it, sir. 235 ESCALUS
But the law will not allow it, Pompey, nor it
shall not be allowed in Vienna. POMPEY
Does your Worship mean to geld and splay all
the youth of the city? ESCALUS
No, Pompey. 240 POMPEY
Truly, sir, in my poor opinion, they will to ’t
then. If your Worship will take order for the drabs
and the knaves, you need not to fear the bawds. ESCALUS
There is pretty orders beginning, I can tell
you. It is but heading and hanging. 245 POMPEY
If you head and hang all that offend that way
but for ten year together, you’ll be glad to give out a
commission for more heads. If this law hold in
Vienna ten year, I’ll rent the fairest house in it after
threepence a bay. If you live to see this come to 250
pass, say Pompey told you so. ESCALUS
Thank you, good Pompey. And in requital of
your prophecy, hark you: I advise you let me not
find you before me again upon any complaint
whatsoever; no, not for dwelling where you do. If I 255
do, Pompey, I shall beat you to your tent and prove
a shrewd Caesar to you. In plain dealing, Pompey, I
shall have you whipped. So, for this time, Pompey,
fare you well. POMPEY
I thank your Worship for your good counsel. 260
Aside. But I shall follow it as the flesh and fortune
shall better determine.
Whip me? No, no, let carman whip his jade.
The valiant heart’s not whipped out of his trade. He exits. | Elbow and Pompey bicker and Elbow slings a bunch of insults that don't carry much weight because he mixes up his words a lot. (He calls Pompey a "respected" fellow when what he really means to say is that Pompey is a "detested fellow," and so on.) Froth fesses up that he works for Mistress Overdone and Escalus lets him off with a warning. Then Escalus lays into Pompey for earning a living as a pimp, which is against the law in Vienna. Pompey sarcastically asks if Escalus plans to "spay all the youth in the city." Escalus says no, and Pompey replies that there's no other way for Escalus to regulate sex in Vienna—he'll have to hang or behead just about every man in town. Escalus sets Pompey free and warns that if he ever catches Pompey pimping again, he'll whoop up on him just like Julius Caesar throttled Pompey the Great in 48 BC. As he exits, Pompey mumbles that nobody can stop him. |
ESCALUS
Come hither to me, Master Elbow. Come 265
hither, Master Constable. How long have you been
in this place of constable? ELBOW
Seven year and a half, sir. ESCALUS
I thought, by the readiness in the office, you
had continued in it some time. You say seven years 270
together? ELBOW
And a half, sir. ESCALUS
Alas, it hath been great pains to you. They do
you wrong to put you so oft upon ’t. Are there not
men in your ward sufficient to serve it? 275 ELBOW
Faith, sir, few of any wit in such matters. As
they are chosen, they are glad to choose me for
them. I do it for some piece of money and go
through with all. ESCALUS
Look you bring me in the names of some six 280
or seven, the most sufficient of your parish. ELBOW
To your Worship’s house, sir? ESCALUS
To my house. Fare you well. Elbow and Officers exit. To Justice. What’s o’clock, think you? JUSTICE
Eleven, sir. 285 ESCALUS
I pray you home to dinner with me. JUSTICE
I humbly thank you. ESCALUS
It grieves me for the death of Claudio,
But there’s no remedy. JUSTICE
Lord Angelo is severe. 290 ESCALUS
It is but needful.
Mercy is not itself that oft looks so.
Pardon is still the nurse of second woe.
But yet, poor Claudio. There is no remedy.
Come, sir. 295 They exit. | Escalus chats briefly with Elbow before he and the other officers depart. Then Escalus and the Justice stand around talking about poor Claudio. Escalus is pretty upset that Claudio is going to be put to death. It just doesn't seem right. The Justice agrees that Angelo is severe, but neither of them seem to see a remedy for the situation. |