Exactly how steamy is this story?
R
There's no sex on stage, Shmoopers, but there's plenty of dirty talk in The Alchemist. But hey, that's pretty much what we expect from a play that includes a character who fantasizes about having a zillion wives and concubines so he can have sex fifty times a night (we're talking about you, Mammon).
More importantly, The Alchemist features a bunch of con artists who have been using Lovewit's house as a start-up brothel / swinger's pad.
After all, Doll Common's a prostitute who lets her pals draw straws to see who gets to hook up with her at night. In the opening scene, she promises Face and Subtle that "the longest cut at night / Shall draw thee for his Doll Particular" (1.1.178-179).
Plus she sleeps with Mammon so she can shake him down for money and then about two seconds later runs off to seduce a so-called "Spanish count."
Oh yeah: when Lovewit returns home after being away he notices some crude graffiti in his casa: "Madam with a Dildo scrawled on the walls" (5.5.42). Hmm. We're not sure if these words are written on the walls or if someone actually drew a picture of a prostitute using said device. (We'll leave that for you to decide.)
Either way, it's pretty pornographic so, we're giving this play an "R" rating.