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PSAT 1.10 Writing Narrative Walkthrough. How would you change the underlined portion, if at all?
PSAT 1.11 Writing Narrative Walkthrough. How would you change the underlined portion, if at all?
PSAT 1.12 Writing Narrative Walkthrough. How would you change the underlined portion, if at all?
Gemini IV: Learning to Walk in Space 186 Views
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Description:
PSAT 1.8 Writing Narrative Walkthrough. How would you change the underlined portion, if at all?
Transcript
- 00:00
Thank you We sneak And here's your shmoop du jour
- 00:05
brought to you by spacewalks not to be confused with
- 00:09
space runs which are well something totally new All right
- 00:13
check out this Basset gemini for luna Walked in space
- 00:16
with living in one Gus grissom Hey gus And exuberant
Full Transcript
- 00:19
Great Tremendous All right how would you change the underlined
- 00:23
portion below if it all this thing right at the
- 00:25
end of his space walk also called extra vehicular activity
- 00:29
or e v a which had lasted for twenty minutes
- 00:33
All right here Potential answers All right Okay All right
- 00:36
Well we wonder if mr white was as excited after
- 00:39
completing his space walk as michael jackson was every time
- 00:42
he finished doing the moonwalk That's one happy pop star
- 00:46
All right well what's the dealio here We're told to
- 00:49
check out a portion of the passage and see if
- 00:51
there's any clearer and more concise way toe word things
- 00:55
let's Hope so Because at the end of a spacewalk
- 00:58
also called extra vehicular activity or eva which had lasted
- 01:01
twenty minutes is an absolute mouthful We know these guys
- 01:05
are in the habit of recording every little detail of
- 01:07
their missions But this is way tio am i This
- 01:10
is neither the time nor place to get into other
- 01:12
names for a spacewalk or what acronyms stand for We
- 01:15
just want to know when he was exuberant We don't
- 01:18
need his whole life story What about just changing it
- 01:21
toe Finally like option b thinks we should do well
- 01:24
it's definitely more concise but we're losing a lot of
- 01:27
clarity here Finally what At the end of time the
- 01:30
word just doesn't quite communicate that it was white's spacewalk
- 01:33
that had him all giddy So let's keep looking Should
- 01:36
we change it To see at the end of his
- 01:38
twenty minutes spacewalk also called extra vehicular activity or e
- 01:42
v a well deja vu This one is slightly different
- 01:46
from option a it's been re ordered a bit but
- 01:48
it's basically the same thing and still far too much
- 01:51
info So sadly it's not going to be us and
- 01:54
option c forever Well d on the other hand totally
- 01:57
hits the mark after his twenty minutes bayswater boom it
- 02:01
short and sweet and doesn't let any other nonsense get
- 02:03
in the way Uh that one wasn't too bad In
- 02:06
fact it was kind Of a space walk in the 00:02:08.318 --> [endTime] park Frank
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