Opening With a Poetical Eulogy of the Press and Continuing With Talk Inspired By the Same
- Charlie dives right into praising the press, but it's not any old press—it's Noah's red press. Say what?
- Yeah, so, right about now, Charlie is dropping a somewhat obscure reference to this one moment in the Bible—specifically in Genesis 9:20-27—when Noah got tipsy, got naked, and then got sleepy. Scandalous.
- The cosmopolitan comments on this bait and switch, since he was expecting some cheerleading about newspapers.
- Charlie goes on about how wine is super duper cool.
- Frank's like, That's great, but you aren't drinking any, actually. Charlie takes a sip and pushes Frank to drink more.
- Frank: I already told you that I had too much earlier.
- Charlie: Oh, but this is the light stuff. Drink.
- Frank: Okay, but I hate to drink alone.
- Charlie takes another tiny sip, then orders cigars. They're way fancy, and they come with ornate ashtrays. Things are swank right now.
- Frank starts smoking while Charlie talks about how cool smoking is. Frank's like, that's great, but you're not smoking.
- Charlie avoids this and tries to refill Frank's glass. He keeps talking about how much he loves tobacco. Again, Frank comments on how Charlie isn't smoking.
- Charlie tries to brush past this, too, but Frank interrupts. Real talk: do you think smoking plus drinking makes you more of a dumb dumb in the moment than just drinking would, Charlie?
- Charlie: If I thought that, then that would make me suspicious, wouldn't it? Anyway, we're having so much fun drinking and smoking—wouldn't Pitch be so jelly? He's missing out.
- Frank is so not cool with making fun of Pitch, and he's really irritated that Charlie has brought up negative talk about him again.
- Charlie gives in to his dark feelings. Apparently, he doesn't trust Pitch, because he's from east of the Mississippi.
- The two then launch into a long conversation about the nature of, um, human nature, as seen through Shakespeare's characters—specifically, Polonius and Autolycus. Results are inconclusive at this point.
- Frank notices again that Charlie isn't drinking and jokes that if someone had a goal of getting his friend drunk then it would be super cheap to do so if that friend drank like Charlie.
- We get it. It's not that funny, but we get it.
- Charlie gets it, too, but he really does not think it's funny. He is seriously miffed.
- Frank tells Charlie not to be a baby. Charlie says he's only a baby because he's been drinking so much.
- Frank's like, But…you…haven't…
- Charlie does his talk-a-bunch-all-at-once thing. This time, it's about how friendly humans are and how much fun they're having.
- The conversation turns to how much friendlier the world is now versus in the past. Each day just gets friendlier and friendlier, until one day, even the hangman will be friendly. Ha ha ha. Charlie is losing it at this point.
- Frank hopes what Charlie's just said is true and that things will get so friendly that we won't need hangmen and even misanthropes will be cheery. The first step to not being a jerky-jerk who hates everyone is to be a fun-jerk who tries to hide that inner hate, he says. Eventually, everyone will learn to love.
- These dudes are both a little loopy.
- Charlie hasn't signed on to this theory, but he's just happy to party. He wants Frank to drink more.
- Frank gets a major case of the feels here. He wants to unburden his heart to Charlie.
- Charlie: Yes. Tell me your secrets.
- Frank: I need money.