Scene 1
- We open on a sick kid in bed playing video games. Uh, wasn't this supposed to be sword fights and corsets and giants? What's going on here?
- The kid's cheek-pinching grandpa arrives and, predictably, pinches his cheeks. He hates that.
- Grandpa gives him a gift, which turns out to be…"a book"? It seems kids were as thrilled about getting books as presents back in the 80s as they are today. Some things are timeless.
- The grandfather starts reading the book to his grandson, and now it's apparent how we're going to get into our old-timey story of revenge, monsters and miracle
Scene 2
- We're told there's this fair maiden named Buttercup who lives in a place called Florin, and she's got a farm boy named Westley whom she refers to as "farm boy." You can never be too informal.
- Buttercup orders Westley to do this and that, and each time he responds by smiling and saying, "As you wish." It's the sort of smile that makes you think he's up to something.
- Sure enough, our grandfatherly narrator tells us that the words "As you wish" really mean "I love you." We wonder what a therapist would have to say about Westley's inability to just state directly what he's feeling.
Scene 3
- After Buttercup realizes she loves her farm boy, too, we see their silhouettes against a setting sun, and they begin to kiss. Ugh. Is this going to be a kissing story?
Scene 4
- The kiss suddenly interrupts the storytelling. We're back in the kid's bedroom, and he seems to have a similar concern about all the kissing. After all, he's your typical young boy, more interested in chases, escapes and the triumph of good over evil than he is in this whole "true love" nonsense.
Scene 5
- All right, back to Buttercup and Westley. They're saying a tearful goodbye, as he's about to head off to seek his fortune. Because they'd like to own more than a horse and a couple of cows one day.
- Our narrator tells us that Westley's ship ends up getting attacked by the Dread Pirate Roberts, who "never left captives alive." It was nice knowing you, farm boy.