ShmoopTube

00:04

Polyphemos <<po-LEE-fee-mose>>, a la Shmoop.

00:07

What’s that, Fluffy? Oh, they’re here.

00:10

Don’t you know better than to keep a cyclops waiting?

00:14

Are you disrespecting me because I’m blind?

00:17

See this is the kinda stuff I’m talking about. This is what makes me...

00:20

Makes me want to eat! Eat man flesh!

00:23

You’re right, Fluffy. Gotta breathe through it.

00:26

Breathe through the cravings.

00:29

Come on, Polyphemos. You can do this.

00:31

You humans are lucky I’ve been taking courses that help me to cope with my urges.

00:35

All right, let’s get on with this.

00:37

The reason why I called the camera crew here today is to set the story straight.

00:42

Throughout the world, kids are required to read a pack of lies called The Odyssey.

00:47

Some will tell you that this is a great piece of literature.

00:50

But you listen to Polyphemos when he tells you that reading The Odyssey

00:53

is no better than reading a grocery store gossip rag.

00:57

It’s nothing but slander and lies,

00:58

especially with regard to yours truly,

01:01

and I’m here to set the record straight.

01:05

First of all, what’s up with Homer saying that Cyclopes <<sigh-CLOE-pees>> are cannibals?

01:10

I mean, yeah, when Odysseus and his men showed up at my cave, I did...

01:14

you know...eat a bunch of them.

01:18

Here’s the thing, though. You’re not a cannibal if you don’t eat your own kind.

01:22

Did I eat other cyclopes?

01:25

No way. That’d be gross.

01:27

Calling me a cannibal is like calling a human a cannibal for eating a lamb shank.

01:33

Sorry to bring that up, Fluffy.

01:35

Anyway, I’ve gotten over my human-eating habit,

01:37

and I wish everybody would let me move on with my life.

01:41

Here’s the next thing The Odyssey has all wrong.

01:43

Where does Homer get off calling Odysseus a hero?

01:46

That dude was nothing but a sneaky liar.

01:51

Did he try to defeat me in open battle like Heracles would’ve done?

01:57

No, he got me drunk on wine and brutally assaulted me while I was passed out.

02:04

To add insult to injury, he attacked me by stabbing out my eye.

02:08

My eye?! Can you believe that?

02:10

I only had one of them. That’s about the worst thing you can do to a cyclops.

02:14

Instead of facing my wrath, like a real hero,

02:17

Odysseus then tied himself and his men to the bottom of my sheep and snuck out of my cave.

02:22

How does everybody not see how cowardly that was? C’mon! I was blind!

02:27

Odysseus didn’t even have the courage to tell me his real name

02:29

back when he was pretending to be my drinking buddy.

02:34

Instead, he called himself Nobody,

02:36

so that when my brother cyclopes came around and asked who did this to me,

02:40

I said, “Nobody did.”

02:44

In retrospect, I should’ve seen through that one.

02:48

My therapist tells me that I need to let go off all this bitterness.

02:51

He says, “Polyphemos, you got your revenge. Odysseus stupidly told you his real name.”

02:57

“You got your dad Poseidon to punish him.”

03:01

“All of his men died.”

03:04

“It took him ten years to get home to Ithaca."

03:07

"Isn’t that enough?”

03:08

And, you know, after years of contemplation and a lot of deep reflection,

03:12

I’ve come to the conclusion that...

03:14

NO! No, it’s not enough.

03:17

This book is still out there spreading filthy lies.

03:19

Saying he’s the hero, and I’m the monster, and it makes me...

03:22

well...makes me hungry.

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