Paula Newby-Fraser. She's the eight-time Ironman Triathlon World Champion. This means she was the best in the world eight times. Not only that, but she also won twenty-four of these things total. We can't even look at the requirements of the Ironman without shrinking away in existential terror. She is the greatest triathlete ever, and you probably have never heard of her.

Mark Allen. Allen won twenty triathlons in a row, including six Hawaii Ironman triathlons. If you're going to do an Ironman, Hawaii is probably the way to go. Hey, at least the water's warm.

Chrissie Wellington. This woman is undefeated in ironman distances. She probably did this by being made of iron. She also set a course record with a broken rib and a shredded pec.

Dave Scott. Dave Scott was one of the pioneers of the sport back in the '80s, and he did it all with a ridiculous mustache. Looks like our theory is confirmed: mustaches = power.

Michellie Jones. Australia's best, Jones is the only triathlete of either gender to medal in the Olympics and win an Ironman world championship. She was inducted into the Sport Australia Hall of Fame, presumably because it was either that or make her queen.

Craig Alexander. Won a "Battle of the Sexes"-themed triathlon and got $200,000 for it. That's a pretty good payday, and it's the biggest one in triathlon history.

Natascha Badmann. With a name like that, we really hope she had some kind of '70s funk theme song. Not that she needed one; although she was a weak swimmer, her stellar cycling made her a consistent threat on the road to her six Ironman World Championships.

Simon Lessing. If Dave Scott was the '80s, Simon Lessing was the '90s. He didn't compete in ridiculous over-sized pants or run from dinosaurs, but everyone secretly wanted him to. Even so, he's a five-time World Champion.