We can't help but wonder what the first person to complete a triathlon was running from. Did he get attacked by a shark, but once he reached the shore found out that the shark had a motorcycle? Was there a pack of wolves that somehow had access to speedboats? Or maybe just one of those rogue pteranodons that's always escaping from Jurassic Park?

What we're trying to say here is that we can't imagine why anyone would do this voluntarily. But then again, the last time we ran was to get our charger from the other room before our laptop died. (You think we're joking, don't you?)

At any rate, triathletes should be respected and feared. You really have to be in amazing shape to complete a triathlon. A triathlon—and spoiler alert if you don't speak Greek—means "three contest." That's kind of underselling it, though. It's a supreme test of endurance. Because one race isn't enough for some people, they decided to do three. Consecutively.

It starts with a swim, moves into a bike ride, and finishes up with some good, old-fashioned running. The distances vary, but the message remains the same: this is no walk in the park or ride through the country or nice little jog. You're going to feel like a bunch of rubber bands that were microwaved and then put in a belt sander.

Not only do you get the total exhaustion of three races, but you're also going to get the massive temperature changes of a frigid swim followed by a ride and run in the sun. So you're going to need to train.

No, train. Not a train. Forget it. Moving on.

As you may have guessed, a lot of the training involves swimming, riding, and running. You need to let your body know, "Hey, this is what I'm doing now, because I am mad at you." Your body will respond by creating more muscle, strengthening tendon and bone, and eventually plotting your demise.

But who cares? You're a triathlete.

One nice thing about being a triathlete is that you can end up training for it without knowing. Sure, there's your usual killer bee/piranha situation that may lead to fast movement, but the activities in a triathlon are pretty common ways to stay in shape. Running, biking, and swimming are all favorites for anyone looking to improve cardiovascular health.

In fact, triathlons were invented way back in 1974 when a couple of athletes were like, "You know, we're doing this stuff anyway."

There's a difference between doing a triathlon recreationally and doing it competitively. So at some point, you're going to have to do it full-time. Unfortunately, finding a high school that has a triathlon team is a bit like finding a unicorn that...also happens to be on a triathlon team. Sorry, that one got away from us.

In all likelihood, you will be importing yourself from another sport. You might be a swimmer or a water polo player. Hey, maybe you run track. But you probably aren't on the bicycle team because there is no such a thing. We think…

The point is, you're repurposing skills gained elsewhere, as well as your ability to move for an extended period of time and not keel over from a heart attack.

Once you're crossing over, you're going to start training exclusively for the triathlon. That means lots of running, biking, and swimming—only now you're doing it to beat times and your teammates. What used to be "just exercise" is now the whole point of that exercise. The student has become the master. Dogs have become cats. Cheese has become sentient. Wait…where were we?

Okay, now the bad news. While it might seem like this is a sport for everyone, since most people have legs and the ability to swim, it's not. It's actually deceptively expensive. Running shoes are a pretty normal expense for a sport, but a $2,000 bike isn't. Or a $500 wetsuit. Let alone both for the same sport. So while it's not something that's confined to the 1%, it's also not as open as it looks at first glance.

Here's another thing about triathlons: Even if you're good at them, they're long. The sprint distance, named by people who don't know what a sprint is, is a 750-meter swim, followed by a twenty-kilometer bike ride, and finishing with a five-kilometer run. You also need to factor in your transition time. Elite competitors can do all that in about an hour (source).

And it gets worse (better?).

Olympic triathlons, the most common distance, are 1.5 kilometers of swimming, 40 kilometers of bike riding, and 10 kilometers of running. The Ironman is 3.8 kilometers of swimming, 180.2 kilometers of bike riding, and 26.2 miles of running (source)—that's a full marathon snuck in at the end there. You are covering an insane amount of distance, even at the shortest stretches.

As it turns out, the Lewis and Clark expedition was just a triathlon that got a little out of hand.

Doing that in a competition means doing it even more in practice. So whatever form you're conquering, you've done it, in sections and in total, many, many times. You have to. Otherwise, the first time you try it, you end up weeping in the fetal position. It's known as "first-time triathlete syndrome."

Triathlon is still a rare event in colleges, and the primary places to do them are still informal clubs. Women's triathlon is in the "emerging sport" phase, meaning it hasn't quite emerged yet, while there is nothing comparable in men's. So it might expand.

Okay, so that wasn't really helpful. An NCAA "emerging" sport is meant to get more women to become athletes (for Title IX reasons). In January 2014, triathlon got 95% support by the NCAA Division I Legislative Council to become an emerging sport (source).

We like that percentage. That's a hefty majority.

That means that the NCAA provides some scholarships for college athletes, but there are no official NCAA championships recorded online…yet.

Only recently is the NCAA handing out scholarships for triathlon. We weren't able to find out exactly how many there were in 2015, but they do exist (source).

That's the thing with emerging sports. They're new, they're fresh, and they're impossible to research.

On the upside, you are now a paragon of athletic achievement. That's the allure of this sport. You're essentially proving how good you are by being fast in three different events. It's a shame they couldn't replace biking with some kind of self-propelled hang-gliding, although there's probably someone trying to do that…

As a triathlete, you're going to be working long hours punishing your body, and you're not going to get the fraction of the glory of someone warming the bench on a Division-I basketball team. You're doing this because you love it, or because there's literally no other way you can get tired enough to fall asleep at night.

In the end, there are very few professional triathletes out there. To even get a shot at it, you're going to have to be better than the best. You're going to need to be lucky.