How It All Goes Down
- It was the summer of '69 when Guert Affenlight—yes, that's his name—found previously undiscovered writings by H. Melville, the guy who wrote that book about the whale, in the school library.
- His adviser ended up taking credit for it, but Guert was not discouraged.
- He played football, focused on school, and eventually wrote a doctoral dissertation on "the homosocial and the homoerotic in nineteenth-century American letters," subtly titled The Sperm-Squeezers (6.18).
- Then he got married and had a daughter. Then his wife died, and he eventually became president of Westish College, bringing us back to present day.