- Meet John "Crash" Coogan, a super tough seventh grader. He wants to tell us about the summer before first grade.
- Crash is outside minding his own beeswax when a dorky kid walks past, whistling. The nerve! Crash decides, Gandalf-style, he shall not pass.
- The kid introduces himself: he's Penn Webb, the new kid from North Dakota. He seems friendly.
- Crash, who's not so friendly, introduces himself as Mergatroid. Penn totally buys it.
- Wanting to rattle the kid, Crash pulls a button Penn's wearing clean off his shirt. Penn walks away without comment.