: Act 2, Scene 3 Translation

    A side-by-side translation of Act 2, Scene 3 of from the original Shakespeare into modern English.

      Original Text

     Translated Text

      Source: Folger Shakespeare Library

    Enter Lance, weeping, with his dog, Crab.

    LANCE Nay, ’twill be this hour ere I have done weeping.
    All the kind of the Lances have this very fault. I have
    received my proportion like the Prodigious Son and
    am going with Sir Proteus to the Imperial’s court. I
    think Crab my dog be the sourest-natured dog that 5
    lives: my mother weeping, my father wailing, my
    sister crying, our maid howling, our cat wringing
    her hands, and all our house in a great perplexity,
    yet did not this cruel-hearted cur shed one tear. He
    is a stone, a very pibble stone, and has no more pity 10
    in him than a dog. A Jew would have wept to have
    seen our parting. Why, my grandam, having no
    eyes, look you, wept herself blind at my parting.
    Nay, I’ll show you the manner of it. He takes off his
    shoes.
    This shoe is my father. No, this left shoe is 15
    my father; no, no, this left shoe is my mother. Nay,
    that cannot be so neither. Yes, it is so, it is so; it hath
    the worser sole. This shoe with the hole in it is my
    mother; and this my father. A vengeance on ’t, there
    ’tis! Now sir, this staff is my sister, for, look you, she 20
    is as white as a lily and as small as a wand. This hat
    is Nan, our maid. I am the dog. No, the dog is
    himself, and I am the dog. O, the dog is me, and I
    am myself. Ay, so, so. Now come I to my father:
    “Father, your blessing.” Now should not the shoe 25
    speak a word for weeping. Now should I kiss my
    father. He kisses one shoe. Well, he weeps on. Now
    come I to my mother. O, that she could speak now
    like a wold woman! Well, I kiss her. He kisses the
    other shoe.
    Why, there ’tis; here’s my mother’s 30
    breath up and down. Now come I to my sister. Mark
    the moan she makes! Now the dog all this while
    sheds not a tear nor speaks a word. But see how I
    lay the dust with my tears.

    Lance (Proteus's servant) and Crab (Lance's dog) enter the stage and Lance makes a big speech to the audience about how he must accompany Proteus to the "Emperor's" court in Milan. 

    Lance's entire family is upset that Lance is leaving. His mom's "weeping," his dad's "wailing," his sister's "crying," the maid's "howling," etc. The only member of the family that couldn't care less is Lance's beloved dog, Crab.

    To demonstrate his dog's indifference, Lance takes off his shoes and then proceeds to use his footwear, a staff (walking stick), and a hat as props to reenact what went down at his family home when he broke the sad news of his imminent departure.

    Enter Pantino.

    PANTINO Lance, away, away! Aboard. Thy master is 35
    shipped, and thou art to post after with oars. What’s
    the matter? Why weep’st thou, man? Away, ass.
    You’ll lose the tide if you tarry any longer.

    LANCE It is no matter if the tied were lost, for it is the
    unkindest tied that ever any man tied. 40

    PANTINO What’s the unkindest tide?

    LANCE Why, he that’s tied here, Crab my dog.

    PANTINO Tut, man. I mean thou ’lt lose the flood and, in
    losing the flood, lose thy voyage and, in losing thy
    voyage, lose thy master and, in losing thy master, 45
    lose thy service and, in losing thy service—Lance
    covers Pantino’s mouth.
    Why dost thou stop my
    mouth?

    LANCE For fear thou shouldst lose thy tongue.

    PANTINO Where should I lose my tongue? 50

    LANCE In thy tale.

    PANTINO In thy tail!

    LANCE Lose the tide, and the voyage, and the master,
    and the service, and the tied. Why, man, if the river
    were dry, I am able to fill it with my tears; if the 55
    wind were down, I could drive the boat with my
    sighs.

    PANTINO Come. Come away, man. I was sent to call
    thee.

    LANCE Sir, call me what thou dar’st. 60

    PANTINO Wilt thou go?

    LANCE Well, I will go.

    They exit.

    Pantino enters, interrupting Lance's little skit, and orders Lance aboard the ship that's setting sail for Milan. (Yeah, we know Verona and Milan are landlocked, but Shakespeare really likes to incorporate sea voyages into his plays.)

    Lance can hardly speak because he's sobbing about his cruel, unloving dog, who isn't even sad to see him go.

    One dirty joke and some silly banter later, Panthino finally convinces Lance to board the ship to avoid losing his job as Proteus's servant.