: Act 3, Scene 1 Translation

    A side-by-side translation of Act 3, Scene 1 of from the original Shakespeare into modern English.

      Original Text

     Translated Text
      Source: Folger Shakespeare Library

    Enter Duke, Thurio, and Proteus.

    DUKE
    Sir Thurio, give us leave, I pray, awhile;
    We have some secrets to confer about.

    Thurio exits.

    Now tell me, Proteus, what’s your will with me?

    PROTEUS
    My gracious lord, that which I would discover
    The law of friendship bids me to conceal, 5
    But when I call to mind your gracious favors
    Done to me, undeserving as I am,
    My duty pricks me on to utter that
    Which else no worldly good should draw from me.
    Know, worthy prince, Sir Valentine my friend 10
    This night intends to steal away your daughter;
    Myself am one made privy to the plot.
    I know you have determined to bestow her
    On Thurio, whom your gentle daughter hates,
    And should she thus be stol’n away from you, 15
    It would be much vexation to your age.
    Thus, for my duty’s sake, I rather chose
    To cross my friend in his intended drift
    Than, by concealing it, heap on your head
    A pack of sorrows which would press you down, 20
    Being unprevented, to your timeless grave.

    DUKE
    Proteus, I thank thee for thine honest care,
    Which to requite command me while I live.
    This love of theirs myself have often seen,
    Haply when they have judged me fast asleep, 25
    And oftentimes have purposed to forbid
    Sir Valentine her company and my court.
    But fearing lest my jealous aim might err
    And so, unworthily, disgrace the man—
    A rashness that I ever yet have shunned— 30
    I gave him gentle looks, thereby to find
    That which thyself hast now disclosed to me.
    And that thou mayst perceive my fear of this,
    Knowing that tender youth is soon suggested,
    I nightly lodge her in an upper tower, 35
    The key whereof myself have ever kept,
    And thence she cannot be conveyed away.

    PROTEUS
    Know, noble lord, they have devised a mean
    How he her chamber-window will ascend
    And with a corded ladder fetch her down; 40
    For which the youthful lover now is gone,
    And this way comes he with it presently,
    Where, if it please you, you may intercept him.
    But, good my lord, do it so cunningly
    That my discovery be not aimèd at; 45
    For love of you, not hate unto my friend,
    Hath made me publisher of this pretense.

    DUKE
    Upon mine honor, he shall never know
    That I had any light from thee of this.

    PROTEUS
    Adieu, my lord. Sir Valentine is coming. 50

    Proteus exits.

    In Milan, the Duke sends Thurio out of the room so he can have a private conversation with Proteus.

    Proteus then tattles on Valentine for planning to elope with the Duke's daughter. What's worse, Proteus acts like he's betraying Valentine's confidence because the Duke has been such a generous host.

    We get confirmation that the Duke wants Silvia to marry Thurio and that he has suspected all along that his daughter is secretly dating Valentine.

    Proteus asks the Duke not to tell Valentine where he got his information and runs out of the room when he sees Valentine coming.

    Enter Valentine.

    DUKE
    Sir Valentine, whither away so fast?

    VALENTINE
    Please it your Grace, there is a messenger
    That stays to bear my letters to my friends,
    And I am going to deliver them.

    DUKE Be they of much import? 55

    VALENTINE
    The tenor of them doth but signify
    My health and happy being at your court.

    DUKE
    Nay then, no matter. Stay with me awhile;
    I am to break with thee of some affairs
    That touch me near, wherein thou must be secret. 60
    ’Tis not unknown to thee that I have sought
    To match my friend Sir Thurio to my daughter.

    VALENTINE
    I know it well, my lord, and sure the match
    Were rich and honorable. Besides, the gentleman
    Is full of virtue, bounty, worth, and qualities 65
    Beseeming such a wife as your fair daughter.
    Cannot your Grace win her to fancy him?

    DUKE
    No. Trust me, she is peevish, sullen, froward,
    Proud, disobedient, stubborn, lacking duty,
    Neither regarding that she is my child 70
    Nor fearing me as if I were her father;
    And may I say to thee, this pride of hers,
    Upon advice, hath drawn my love from her,
    And where I thought the remnant of mine age
    Should have been cherished by her childlike duty, 75
    I now am full resolved to take a wife
    And turn her out to who will take her in.
    Then let her beauty be her wedding dower,
    For me and my possessions she esteems not.

    VALENTINE
    What would your Grace have me to do in this? 80

    DUKE
    There is a lady in Verona here
    Whom I affect; but she is nice, and coy,
    And nought esteems my agèd eloquence.
    Now therefore would I have thee to my tutor—
    For long agone I have forgot to court; 85
    Besides, the fashion of the time is changed—
    How and which way I may bestow myself
    To be regarded in her sun-bright eye.

    VALENTINE
    Win her with gifts if she respect not words;
    Dumb jewels often in their silent kind 90
    More than quick words do move a woman’s mind.

    DUKE
    But she did scorn a present that I sent her.

    VALENTINE
    A woman sometime scorns what best contents her.
    Send her another; never give her o’er,
    For scorn at first makes after-love the more. 95
    If she do frown, ’tis not in hate of you,
    But rather to beget more love in you.
    If she do chide, ’tis not to have you gone,
    Forwhy the fools are mad if left alone.
    Take no repulse, whatever she doth say; 100
    For “get you gone” she doth not mean “away.”
    Flatter and praise, commend, extol their graces;
    Though ne’er so black, say they have angels’ faces.
    That man that hath a tongue, I say, is no man
    If with his tongue he cannot win a woman. 105

    DUKE
    But she I mean is promised by her friends
    Unto a youthful gentleman of worth
    And kept severely from resort of men,
    That no man hath access by day to her.

    VALENTINE
    Why, then, I would resort to her by night. 110

    DUKE
    Ay, but the doors be locked and keys kept safe,
    That no man hath recourse to her by night.

    VALENTINE
    What lets but one may enter at her window?

    DUKE
    Her chamber is aloft, far from the ground,
    And built so shelving that one cannot climb it 115
    Without apparent hazard of his life.

    VALENTINE
    Why, then a ladder quaintly made of cords
    To cast up, with a pair of anchoring hooks,
    Would serve to scale another Hero’s tower,
    So bold Leander would adventure it. 120

    DUKE
    Now, as thou art a gentleman of blood,
    Advise me where I may have such a ladder.

    VALENTINE
    When would you use it? Pray sir, tell me that.

    DUKE
    This very night; for love is like a child
    That longs for everything that he can come by. 125

    VALENTINE
    By seven o’clock I’ll get you such a ladder.

    Valentine is on his way to Sylvia's window but the Duke stalls him. The Duke says Sylvia's a disobedient child and he's thinking of turning her out onto the streets without a dowry.

    That doesn't scare off Valentine so the Duke resorts to lying about being in love with a woman who is engaged to another man.

    Valentine advises him to elope with her, which basically confirms his own intentions to elope with Silvia.

    Then Valentine goes one step further and says he knows where the Duke can get a nice ladder to help him steal away with his lady. 

    Enter Proteus and Lance.

    PROTEUS Run, boy, run, run, and seek him out.

    LANCE So-ho, so-ho!

    PROTEUS What seest thou?

    LANCE Him we go to find. There’s not a hair on ’s head 195
    but ’tis a Valentine.

    PROTEUS Valentine?

    VALENTINE No.

    PROTEUS Who then? His spirit?

    VALENTINE Neither. 200

    PROTEUS What then?

    VALENTINE Nothing.

    LANCE Can nothing speak? Master, shall I strike?

    PROTEUS Who wouldst thou strike?

    LANCE Nothing. 205

    PROTEUS Villain, forbear.

    LANCE Why, sir, I’ll strike nothing. I pray you—

    PROTEUS
    Sirrah, I say forbear.—Friend Valentine, a word.

    VALENTINE
    My ears are stopped and cannot hear good news,
    So much of bad already hath possessed them. 210

    PROTEUS
    Then in dumb silence will I bury mine,
    For they are harsh, untunable, and bad.

    VALENTINE Is Sylvia dead?

    PROTEUS No, Valentine.

    VALENTINE
    No Valentine indeed for sacred Sylvia. 215
    Hath she forsworn me?

    PROTEUS No, Valentine.

    VALENTINE
    No Valentine if Sylvia have forsworn me.
    What is your news?

    LANCE Sir, there is a proclamation that you are 220
    vanished.

    PROTEUS
    That thou art banishèd—O, that’s the news—
    From hence, from Sylvia, and from me thy friend.

    VALENTINE
    O, I have fed upon this woe already,
    And now excess of it will make me surfeit. 225
    Doth Sylvia know that I am banishèd?

    PROTEUS
    Ay, ay, and she hath offered to the doom—
    Which unreversed stands in effectual force—
    A sea of melting pearl, which some call tears;
    Those at her father’s churlish feet she tendered, 230
    With them, upon her knees, her humble self,
    Wringing her hands, whose whiteness so became
    them
    As if but now they waxèd pale for woe.
    But neither bended knees, pure hands held up, 235
    Sad sighs, deep groans, nor silver-shedding tears
    Could penetrate her uncompassionate sire;
    But Valentine, if he be ta’en, must die.
    Besides, her intercession chafed him so,
    When she for thy repeal was suppliant, 240
    That to close prison he commanded her
    With many bitter threats of biding there.

    VALENTINE
    No more, unless the next word that thou speak’st
    Have some malignant power upon my life.
    If so, I pray thee breathe it in mine ear 245
    As ending anthem of my endless dolor.

    PROTEUS
    Cease to lament for that thou canst not help,
    And study help for that which thou lament’st.
    Time is the nurse and breeder of all good.
    Here, if thou stay, thou canst not see thy love; 250
    Besides, thy staying will abridge thy life.
    Hope is a lover’s staff; walk hence with that
    And manage it against despairing thoughts.
    Thy letters may be here, though thou art hence,
    Which, being writ to me, shall be delivered 255
    Even in the milk-white bosom of thy love.
    The time now serves not to expostulate.
    Come, I’ll convey thee through the city gate
    And, ere I part with thee, confer at large
    Of all that may concern thy love affairs. 260
    As thou lov’st Sylvia, though not for thyself,
    Regard thy danger, and along with me.

    VALENTINE
    I pray thee, Lance, an if thou seest my boy,
    Bid him make haste and meet me at the North
    Gate. 265

    PROTEUS
    Go, sirrah, find him out.—Come, Valentine.

    VALENTINE
    O, my dear Sylvia! Hapless Valentine!

    Valentine and Proteus exit.

    Proteus and Lance run in and Proteus delivers some bad news: Valentine has been banished. If he's caught in the Duke's court, he'll be put to death.

    Proteus says that Sylvia begged her father to relent but the Duke wasn't hearing any of it.

    Proteus, who wants Sylvia all for himself, advises Valentine to flee. He offers to deliver Valentine's love letters to Sylvia, since he's such a great friend and all.

    Valentine is crushed.

    Proteus offers to escort Valentine to the city limits. (What a good friend.)

    LANCE I am but a fool, look you, and yet I have the wit
    to think my master is a kind of a knave, but that’s all
    one if he be but one knave. He lives not now that 270
    knows me to be in love, yet I am in love, but a team
    of horse shall not pluck that from me, nor who ’tis I
    love; and yet ’tis a woman, but what woman I will
    not tell myself; and yet ’tis a milk-maid; yet ’tis not a
    maid, for she hath had gossips; yet ’tis a maid, for 275
    she is her master’s maid and serves for wages. She
    hath more qualities than a water spaniel, which is
    much in a bare Christian. 

    He takes out a piece of
    paper. 

    Here is the catalog of her condition.
    (Reads.) "Imprimis, She can fetch and carry." Why, a 280
    horse can do no more; nay, a horse cannot fetch but
    only carry; therefore is she better than a jade.
    (Reads.) "Item, She can milk." Look you, a sweet
    virtue in a maid with clean hands.

    Enter Speed.

    SPEED How now, Signior Lance? What news with your 285
    Mastership?

    LANCE With my master’s ship? Why, it is at sea.

    SPEED Well, your old vice still: mistake the word. What
    news, then, in your paper?

    LANCE The black’st news that ever thou heard’st. 290

    SPEED Why, man? How black?

    LANCE Why, as black as ink.

    SPEED Let me read them.

    LANCE Fie on thee, jolt-head, thou canst not read.

    SPEED Thou liest. I can. 295

    LANCE I will try thee. Tell me this, who begot thee?

    SPEED Marry, the son of my grandfather.

    LANCE O, illiterate loiterer, it was the son of thy grandmother.
    This proves that thou canst not read.

    SPEED Come, fool, come. Try me in thy paper. 300

    LANCE, giving him the paper There, and Saint Nicholas
    be thy speed.

    SPEED reads "Imprimis, She can milk."

    LANCE Ay, that she can.

    SPEED "Item, She brews good ale." 305

    LANCE And thereof comes the proverb: “Blessing of
    your heart, you brew good ale.”

    SPEED "Item, She can sew."

    LANCE That’s as much as to say “Can she so?”

    SPEED "Item, She can knit." 310

    LANCE What need a man care for a stock with a wench,
    when she can knit him a stock?

    SPEED "Item, She can wash and scour."

    LANCE A special virtue, for then she need not be
    washed and scoured. 315

    SPEED "Item, She can spin."

    LANCE Then may I set the world on wheels, when she
    can spin for her living.

    SPEED "Item, She hath many nameless virtues."

    LANCE That’s as much as to say “bastard virtues,” that 320
    indeed know not their fathers and therefore have no
    names.

    SPEED Here follow her vices.

    LANCE Close at the heels of her virtues.

    SPEED "Item, She is not to be kissed fasting in respect of 325
    her breath."

    LANCE Well, that fault may be mended with a breakfast.
    Read on.

    SPEED "Item, She hath a sweet mouth."

    LANCE That makes amends for her sour breath. 330

    SPEED "Item, She doth talk in her sleep."

    LANCE It’s no matter for that, so she sleep not in her
    talk.

    SPEED "Item, She is slow in words."

    LANCE O villain, that set this down among her vices! To 335
    be slow in words is a woman’s only virtue. I pray
    thee, out with ’t, and place it for her chief virtue.

    SPEED "Item, She is proud."

    LANCE Out with that too; it was Eve’s legacy and
    cannot be ta’en from her. 340

    SPEED "Item, She hath no teeth."

    LANCE I care not for that neither, because I love crusts.

    SPEED "Item, She is curst."

    LANCE Well, the best is, she hath no teeth to bite.

    SPEED "Item, She will often praise her liquor." 345

    LANCE If her liquor be good, she shall; if she will not, I
    will, for good things should be praised.

    SPEED "Item, She is too liberal."

    LANCE Of her tongue she cannot, for that’s writ down
    she is slow of; of her purse she shall not, for that I’ll 350
    keep shut; now, of another thing she may, and that
    cannot I help. Well, proceed.

    SPEED "Item, She hath more hair than wit, and more
    faults than hairs, and more wealth than faults."

    LANCE Stop there. I’ll have her. She was mine and not 355
    mine twice or thrice in that last article. Rehearse
    that once more.

    SPEED "Item, She hath more hair than wit."

    LANCE “More hair than wit”? It may be; I’ll prove it:
    the cover of the salt hides the salt, and therefore it is 360
    more than the salt; the hair that covers the wit is
    more than the wit, for the greater hides the less.
    What’s next?

    SPEED And more faults than hairs.

    LANCE That’s monstrous! O, that that were out! 365

    SPEED And more wealth than faults.

    LANCE Why, that word makes the faults gracious. Well,
    I’ll have her, and if it be a match, as nothing is
    impossible—

    SPEED What then? 370

    LANCE Why, then will I tell thee that thy master stays
    for thee at the North Gate.

    SPEED For me?

    LANCE For thee? Ay, who art thou? He hath stayed for a
    better man than thee. 375

    SPEED And must I go to him?

    LANCE Thou must run to him, for thou hast stayed so
    long that going will scarce serve the turn.

    SPEED, handing him the paper Why didst not tell me
    sooner? Pox of your love letters!  380

    He exits.

    LANCE Now will he be swinged for reading my letter;
    an unmannerly slave, that will thrust himself into
    secrets. I’ll after, to rejoice in the boy’s correction.

    He exits.

    Lance remains on stage alone.

    He admits to the audience that he's fallen in love with an unnamed woman and then makes a ridiculous list of her excellent traits: she's better than a hunting dog and a horse because she can do chores around the house. (If you want to know what we think of this, check out Marriage Quotes.)

    Speed enters and helps Lance with his list of the mystery woman's virtues and vices. Lance and Speed argue about whether or not her "slowness in words" should be listed as a "vice" or a "virtue." (This is a sexist joke since the so-called ideal woman was supposed to be virtuous, obedient, and silent.)

    After wasting a ton of Speed's time, Lance tells him that his master is waiting for him. He adds that Speed better hurry, because it's been a while since he's master called for him.

    Speed snaps at Lance for not telling him sooner and then runs off to meet Valentine.

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