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Thank you We sneak in and here's your shmoop du

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jour brought to you by everyday heroes These guys have

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to be heroes every single day sounds like it's Time

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to unionize mediocrity every other All right check out the

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following passage Walter james american heroes i'm based on Come

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on All right we're done Jenny would like to revise

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sentence to in order to create a more effective and

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sophisticated introduction Which of the following is the best revision

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and hear the angels Okay a lot of hero sandwiches

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going on to make sure jenny's new sentence to is

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the best it can be We'd probably better take another

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look The first sense is well so let's do that

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All right one My grandfather walter james was an american

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hero of the world war two generation great And two

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you could say he was a hero for more than

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one reason All right Put together these sentences field choppy

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and vague It takes jenny several more paragraphs to explain

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why her granddad was a hero for more than one

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reason Right And it's Never good to leave readers in

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the dark like that For one they get bored And

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two they might trip on stuff You know we know

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that happening All right Choices just as bad as the

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original sense Well actually it's worse Not only does it

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not tell us why walter was a hero for other

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reasons It also starts with the phrase and furthermore just

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weird and awkward See makes all the same mistakes as

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a it doesn't give us the intel we need on

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walter and it's Pretty awkward to boot We have to

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have a better idea About how this whole hero thing

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works This's so vague that for all we know walter

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might have been able to turn into the hulk Be

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kind of cool though Might be actually gives us the

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info we need when it tells us that walter is

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also a hero to him family But once again the

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senses well awkward man there's More awkwardness going around here

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than our first middle school dances Joyce d is the

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best answer we've got it's not awkward and tells us

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about walter's hero status with his family It turns out

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it's because he was a dedicated blob Uh bad We

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were hoping he was the hope I would be really 00:02:23.28 --> [endTime] told heather that is home Oh snap

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