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Thank you We sneak in and here's your shmoop du

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jour Brought to you by small town america You know

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your front there if you or anyone you know has

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ever driven a school on a lawnmower Alright We're skimming

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biography of walter james Walter is that the guy from

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breaking bad Jenny wants to revise sentence fifteen to provide

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a more effective and sophisticated conclusion Which of the following

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is the best revision and hear the potential answers or

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revisions Ready room Alright Well jenny's looking to conclude her

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paragraph with a bang No problem All we have to

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do is make sure that we tie the supporting details

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to the main point of the passage Walter was a

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hero because of his service in the navy during world

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war two And because he worked so hard to help

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his children succeed So you can say that he was

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a hero to both his country and his family All

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right well so the key facts from the original sentence

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are that walter served in the navy during ww two

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and that he made sacrifices for his family Well the

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best answer will connect these details to jenny's thesis that

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her granddad was a hero to his country and his

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family May the best answer wins All right well sorry

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bi You're the first to be eliminated Even though you

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have all the stuff we need we get the thesis

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and the key facts But the sentence structure is a

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mess It's like a dog chewed it shook it around

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its mouth for a while then spit it back out

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Don't feel too bad though Option d is a major

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train wreck is well the main point gets totally lost

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in the jumbled away The sentence gives us the details

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Next we'll cross off see from our list where to

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start with what's wrong with this option Well for one

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it's a run on sentence walter was a hero to

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his family into his country He was also a hero

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because of his service in world war two are both

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independent clauses that can stand on their own is complete

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sentences do either we need to separate him with a

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period or connect him with a semi colon to make

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this correct it's really not worth the bother though because

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this option also leaves out key details that walter made

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Sacrifices for his family way to bring your a game

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joyce See looks like the option A broad it's a

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game Guess it's just in the blood Well this answer

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is correct because it clearly states that walter was an

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american hero and then backs up the thesis with details

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of both of the ways in which walter was heroic

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Walter also dominated at world of warcraft But for some 00:02:18.015 --> [endTime] reason jenny doesn't touch on that Yeah

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