How we cite our quotes: (Chapter.Paragraph)
Quote #7
"You're hurting," he finally said. I nodded without looking up. "And you want me to take the pain away."
I raised my head. "I can't breathe, it hurts so much. Can you do that thing that you did on the river? Whatever it was?" (21.125-126)
Right before the Feed, Nikki reaches her emotional suffering tolerance limit. As in, she can't take any more pain. Between her mom dying and Jack's perceived infidelity, she's done with the feels. And since she knows Cole can take away her pain, she's all about making that happen.
Quote #8
I stared at the hair, wedged between my index finger and my thumb. Here it was, my chance to take control of my exit, to stop hurting Jack, to stop hurting my dad and Tommy, to stop the whole damn thing. (26.8)
Nikki is keenly aware of how much suffering her disappearance and reappearance has caused the people in her life, and she wants to put an end to it. By consuming one of Cole's hairs, she can go straight to the Tunnels, do not pass Go—but she hesitates. How do you even begin to weigh your own suffering against that of others?
Quote #9
I realized then that my Return had been painful. More painful than I ever could have imagined, with birthdays of Tommy's that I'd never get to see, and the inauguration of my dad that I wouldn't be able to attend, and good-byes I'd never be able to say. (31.34)
Nikki was desperate to Return after the Feed, but nothing goes the way she planned. Her six months on the Surface are full of pain and suffering, but in the end, it is also worth it for her.