How we cite our quotes: (Chapter.Paragraph)
Quote #1
Besides since I've thought about Gramps dying I don't want to die. I'm afraid. Isn't that ghastly and ironic? I'm afraid to live and afraid to die, just like the old Negro spiritual. (60.2)
Well, Alice, we're afraid that you can't have it both ways. Unless the zombie apocalypse is nigh, in which case, go for it.
Quote #2
Anyway I don't know how much longer I can last; if something doesn't happen soon I think I'm going to blow my brains out. (64.1)
This is an unfortunate figure of speech for Alice, who only a week before writing this entry was terrified of death. One of the consequences of suicide is um, you know… dying.
Quote #3
Oh, to be stoned, to have someone tie me off and give me a shot of anything. I've heard paregoric is great. Oh hell, I wish I had enough of anything to end the whole s***ty mess. (160)
Here's another almost careless reference to suicide. Alice thinks she has it pretty bad, and would do just about anything to escape—even die. However, with her irrational fear of the physical aspect of death, we think maybe this impulse hasn't been fully explored.