Alessandro and the Abbot
Intro
- Storyteller: Pampinea
- Pampinea observes that there's no end to the things they could say about Fortune. That's because she's forever changing the outcomes of men's lives.
- We can see this by watching all the things that happen to us in just a single day.
Story
- Three young men—Lamberto, Tebaldo and Agolante—inherit the enormous fortune of their father and proceed to burn through it pretty quickly by extravagant living.
- When they realize their situation, they sell what's left and leave Florence to seek their fortune in England.
- They do pretty well lending money at interest and they build up a huge fortune.
- They return to Florence and buy back their possessions, find wives to marry and send their nephew Alessandro off to England to manage the family business.
- But the brothers once again spend money like water, borrowing and piling up debt.
- Alessandro supports his uncles with the proceeds of their English business until a civil war breaks out and their clientele dries up.
- Alessandro sweats it out in England while his uncles continue to live it up in Florence.
- But after several years, things aren't looking up and the uncles and their families are thrown into debtor's prison.
- Alessandro eventually has to flee England for safety reasons. On his way to Florence, he joins up with the entourage of a newly appointed Abbot.
- As they ride along, bromance blossoms between Alessandro and the Abbot. Pretty soon, the Abbot offers him a position in his household.
- Alessandro proves to be a good hand at this, arranging lodging for them in the most inhospitable of places.
- But one night, everyone but Alessandro gets a bed. In the end, he has to sleep in a tiny closet in the Abbot's room.
- The Abbot, meanwhile, is not asleep. He's entertaining some serious feelings for Alessandro.
- He invites Alessandro to share the bed with him—you know, so he can be more comfortable.
- Pretty soon, the Abbot is caressing Alessandro's chest and Alessandro's getting a bit suspicious.
- But the Abbot's got a little secret that he's hiding. He's got breasts.
- It turns out that he's a she—a noblewoman on her way to the Pope to seek permission to marry.
- And now, she's proposing marriage to Alessandro as they lie in bed. He quickly agrees.
- In Rome, the "Abbot" reveals herself to the Pope. She's a daughter of the King of England and destined to marry the elderly King of Scotland.
- She tells the Pope that she's already married to Alessandro and asks for his blessing.
- This is an awkward situation, to say the least. The two knights accompanying the lady are ready to kill them both.
- The Pope realizes that the deed's already done, so he reconciles the knights to the couple and gives them a grand wedding celebration before they leave for Florence.
- Alessandro's new bride springs the uncles from prison and settles their debts. Then the new couple heads off to England via Paris to face Daddy.
- Alessandro turns out to be quite a peacemaker. He convinces the King of England not to kill him for stealing his princess AND reconciles the warring factions in the country.
- Alessandro and his bride live happily in England until he conquers Scotland with the help of his father-in-law.