Fra Alberto and Lisetta
Intro
- Storyteller: Pampinea
- Filostrato praises the story of Ghismonda and Guiscardo and reminds everyone how miserable he is because he has no prospects of having his love returned.
- So to make him feel better, Filostrato asks Pampinea to tell some "gruesome tale." Misery loves company, right?
- But Pampinea's more inclined to amuse than depress, so she decides to ride the fence: she'll stick to the theme, but she'll make them laugh, too.
- And what's the best way to do that in this world? Tell a story about the clergy, of course.
- Pampinea spends a lot of time abusing the clergy: they're meek and humble when asking for money but like foghorns when talking about other people's sins.
- Which means that Pampinea will have no trouble telling a story about the punishment that all such friars deserve.
Story
- Pampinea begins with Berto della Massa, a rogue who moves to Venice so that he can prey on fresh victims.
- Berto becomes a Franciscan friar to put a good face on his wicked deeds. (It also helps cover his tracks from his former identity.)
- He calls himself Friar Alberto and eventually becomes a priest, celebrating masses and showing great dedication to the suffering of Christ.
- The Venetians believe this show and think Alberto's trustworthy. They make him trustees of their wills and give him money for safekeeping.
- Then Alberto meets Monna Lisetta, a woman so conceited about her looks that she swears to him that the angels in heaven would praise her beauty.
- Alberto can see that she's a woman of little brain and knows that she's ripe for the picking. He admonishes her vanity and leaves her in a huff.
- When he visits her again, Alberto tells her that he's had a heavenly vision concerning her.
- In it, the Angel Gabriel appeared and physically beat Alberto for insulting the beautiful Lisetta.
- Gilberto tells her that it seems Gabriel's fallen in love with her. Lisetta's thrilled and gloats over her conquest.
- Alberto tells her that the Angel would like to "visit" with her, but to do so he'd have to take on a human form. He'd like to know from Lisetta which man would most please her.
- Lisetta doesn't care whose body the Angel possesses, as long as he doesn't two-time her with the Virgin Mary.
- Now sly Alberto goes to work. Would she accept his body as a vessel for Gabriel?
- Alberto explains that while the Angel inhabits his body to hook up with Lisetta, his soul will be transported to heaven. It really would be a great favor to Alberto if she'd agree.
- And of course, Lisetta falls for it. Alberto dresses up as an angel and they have a heavenly time when they first meet.
- Lisetta isn't the brightest bulb in the pack. After this goes on for a while, she gossips about her experience with the Angel to a neighbor.
- Eventually, the news of Lisetta's heavenly lover gets the attention of her brothers-in-law.
- Alberto knows he's in trouble, but he goes to Lisetta again anyway so that he can scold her while they're in bed together.
- The family posse shows up looking for Alberto's blood. He does some quick thinking and jumps out the window and into the Grand Canal. He's totally naked.
- Alberto swims across to the house of a neighbor, who kindly lets him in to save his life.
- The kind man locks Alberto in and goes into the city to do some errands. While there, he hears the story of Alberto's less-than-angelic behavior and immediately identifies his mysterious guest.
- When he returns, he tells Alberto that he has an escape plan, but that Alberto has to play along.
- In the city square, there's to be a mock hunt to celebrate some feast day or other. Alberto will go along with the man as a masked and shackled wild man, and during the festivities can escape out of the city.
- Alberto lets the guy smear him with wild honey and put a chain around his neck.
- But of course it's a double-cross: the man sends an accomplice to town to announce that the Angel Gabriel is coming to the city square.
- Crowds gather to see him. Meanwhile, Alberto is being eaten alive by insects because of his honey-coat.
- The man ties him up as a captive in the square and then announces to everyone exactly who it is under the costume.
- The crowd heckles and threatens him and Alberto only escapes with the help of his ecclesiastical brethren.
- They take him along to their monastery and lock him away, where he spends the rest of his miserable days.