Master Simone and the Secret Society
Intro
- Storyteller: Lauretta
- Lauretta shows once again that she believes in ironic retribution: she thinks it's okay if a person plays a deserved trick on someone else.
- It's also okay to humiliate someone if they're asking for it. She wants to tell a story that demonstrates this.
Story
- An idiot of a doctor, Master Simone, comes from Bologna to set up shop in Florence. He tries to learn as much as possible about the people his new neighborhood.
- One day, he spots Bruno and Buffalmacco (of Calandrino fame) and asks his companion about them.
- He learns that they're penniless painters, but Master Simone thinks they look too carefree and cheerful to be totally broke.
- He decides to find out their secret source of income.
- So he makes friends with Bruno and asks him outright how he manages to be so cheerful without money.
- Bruno knows a blockhead when he sees one and wants to see how much he can squeeze the doctor.
- He tells Simone that he and Buffalmacco "go the course" in order to pay for their happy lives.
- Wait, what?
- Simone asks for clarification and Bruno convinces him he could be killed for revealing the secret, but since the doctor's such a great friend, he'll give it up.
- Bruno says that two disciples of Michael Scott, the great sorcerer and World's Best Boss, have established a secret society of 25 Florentines. When they meet, each member is granted two wishes on the spot.
- Because Bruno and Buffalmacco are BFFs with these two magical disciples, they're among the 25.
- He goes on to describe the lavish banquets held in their honor, which include exotic women from all over the world brought in to provide for their every pleasure.
- Bruno tells Simone that he and Buffalmacco always request the "company" of the Queens of England and France, and it's granted to them along with whatever money they need.
- Now Master Simone's all hot to become part of this secret society, so he wines and dines Bruno to get into his good graces.
- Bruno paints some lovely murals in Simone's house just to appear grateful for the physician's attentions.
- Finally, Simone summons the courage to ask Bruno to bring him to one of the secret meetings. He's just dying to get his hands on a serving wench he met in an alley.
- Bruno can see that Simone's a true dunce, so he makes him promise on his honor as a "gentleman and a moron" that he will never breathe a word of what he's about to reveal.
- He suggests that Simone should butter Buffalmacco up, since very soon he'll be an important head honcho in the secret society.
- So Simone wines and dines both Buffalmacco and Bruno in the hopes of being inducted to this secret society of pleasure.
- The good doctor brags of his own wisdom to both men, saying that when he was among the other doctors in Bologna, he was worshipped as a god.
- The two men decide to have some real fun with the doctor. They promise to help him gain entrance into the society since he's so wise, and to find favor with the "Countess of Cesspool."
- Bruno and Buffalmacco have a grand time making jokes about farts and poo, all in the service of tricking the foolish physician.
- Finally, they decide that the day's come for Master Simone to be inducted into the society. They give him very specific instructions on how he's to be conveyed to the pleasure palace and tell him he has to be brave, because the ride over will be very scary.
- Simone is to wait for his ride on the tombs outside Santa Maria Novella and get on the back of a horned beast that comes for him. He must not call out to God or the saints for help.
- So Simone's picked up by Buffalmacco, who's dressed like the devil, but Simone can't help it and calls out to God for help.
- That's Buffalmacco's cue to take him outside of town and dump him in a ditch filled with waste
- Master Simone has to return home to his wife stinking like a medieval Florentine cesspool.
- In the morning, Bruno and Buffalmacco appear at Simone's house. They've painted themselves all over with bruise marks and give Simone a dressing down for his cowardice.
- Simone is so sorry that he treats them to even fancier meals than ever.